A system without a service is like a baby without a diaper!
Kelly Stasio

Sandra Garlick: So Kevin does C4I stuff too, and he actually had to map a "hostile fishing boat." I mean, come on! A hostile fishing boat? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!
Me: Um, Sandra, we have an icon for a hostile fishing boat. I drew it. It's a rowboat in a red border.
S.G.: I *know* that! But doesn't a fishing boat generally imply "unknown?" I mean, unless he's got a bazooka pointed at you or something...

We are the U. S. of fucking A. and we've got the bombs!
John Broderick, on Kosovo

We can hold round-the-clock, 24-hour airstrikes, but we can't stop one beaver. And they get equal news coverage, too.
John Knowles, on "George" the beaver eating through the cherry blossom trees

Lynne Powell: I'm spreading good cheer today!
Brian Barr: Well, there's something to be said for mood swings.

The only type of woman that doesn't piss off Bobby has to be inflated to 150 psi.
Brian Barr

Lynne Powell: Bobby was in a happy mood this morning. He even cheered me up. He brought me kimchee.
Bobby Miller: Well, if all it takes is a little fermented cabbage...
Brian Barr: Hey, I've got some rotting bananas...

I'm not bitter, I'm always like this.
Bobby Miller

Welcome to our sucky database. Hope you like it.
Lynne Powell

Victoria Friedensen: I can't go [to the company picnic] because it's 2 1/2 hours from where I live and I have to catch a flight the next morning.
Carl Guastaferro: Well, it's not like you're actually flying the plane or anything. I mean, you're just going to be sitting there. right?

Never eat a Snickers while watching Seinfeld.
Kevin Kozicki

Things Said On The Net

>> I think that if I lived across the street from an Ikea,
>> I'd be doomed to eat meatballs Every Night.
>>
>> ok maybe not.

> That is the worst haiku I have read so far today.

Perhaps it sounds better in the original Japanese.

From the Rabbits mailing list. Initial post by me, followed by Jason McIntosh, followed by Mr. Teapot

I have 1.25 million 100% motile sperm in my uterus!
Jeannette Zell

Wow, that's a great opportunity. Plus, you'll get to work with trains, which only kill people by accident instead of on purpose. What a great opportunity.
John Broderick, in response to my leaving defense contracting for a job at Amtrak

I think I have figured out why all men are idiots. Some friends from school and I have been discussing this all week and testing our theory through research. We have come to the conclusion that all men are idiots because they ate paste when they were kids. Now think about this, females are not paste eaters. We just don't do it. Ok so maybe some females have eaten paste when they were little, but those are the airheads that we all make fun of. Test this theory yourselves. Ask any man that you know is an emotional idiot if he ate paste as a kid. They all say yes. The ones that say no are the only intelligent, emotionally stable, men I have met. Trust me this should now be a prerequisite question for all future dates.
Jynxie

To: {{work distribution}}
All,
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Dr. Steven Levin
Chief Scientist

Posturing? _Posturing_!!?? All right, now I'm outraged! It's not _posturing_! It's the simple fact that you absolutely _must_ be grandiose and melodramatic when performing evil, lest it become a larcenous and unworthy, if downright onerous, task.
Richie Weiner

Tsk, tsk. Harsh is too strong a term. Let's use the term Vengefully Proactive.
Fionnuala Anne (from Realm of Redheads)

Note: larger isn't rounder. Gravity doesn't make for great, honking spheres.
Bev White

Further, I should like to register my complaint concerning the lack of song and dance numbers in real life. Why do none of you SING your witty repartee? Why are we not tapping, verily, Tharpishly about the town? WHERE IS THE FESTIVE JOY OF AMBULATING MERRILY ABOUT, SONG IN HEART, SPRING IN STEP? Beyond this, reality is not sufficiently equipped with stereophonic equipment! The background music is, at best, tinny, and frequently absent. I demand THX sound in reality! JUSTICE! JUSTICE, I SAY!
Bev White

I would like to put forth that the phrase "you have new mail" has become one of the most excitment-causing phrases in the english language. Oh wow. *who* could be sending me mail?
You don't know how depressing it is to get a piece of Jim Henry mail when you're waiting for a piece of cute guy mail.
not that jhenry isn't cute, but like, you know.
-Me, to Jeannette in email while waiting for some cute-guy mail.

Things Said In My Presence But Not At Work

If you're not shootin' missiles or droppin' bombs, you're just support
Adam Terio

But Lynne, you've been a geek magnet for what, like a decade?
Dale Newfield

In Hell, they're all British.
Brian Leair (prompted by the 11/28/2000 episode of "Angel"

(regarding The Thomas Crowne Affair): It's like Entrapment, only good.
Yev Gurevich

Being who I am and what I do, I find it incredibly sexy that there is a reflection of a laptop screen in your glasses.
Scott McDermott

Passover isn't about pork. Pork is about Kosher and eating rules. Passover is about I'm glad I'm not a slave in Egypt.
Jeff Laner

Hey, what's the difference between a Jewish mother and an Italian mother?...Nothing!
Jeff Laner, when faced with the statement, "You're Jewish? I thought you were Italian!"

Irwin-Greensburg, the world's only Jewish turnpike exit
Carrie Schutrick (referring to a PA-turnpike edit outside of Pittsburgh)

Stuyvesant people have ambition to be the best at everything they do, not because they need to be the best, but because they want to be better than you.
Jeff Laner

The weather god is on acid and living in Pittsburgh.
Lynne Powell

With a name like that, you may as well call him Art Garfunkel!
Heather Bowen

Lynne Powell: I'm gonna meet Steve Howe!
Dan Efran: Well, if you meet Rick Wakeman, can you have him autograph a body part so that I can cut it off and keep it?

PHENOMENAL VOCAL POWERS!! itty bitty person.
Ann Kopchik, on Jon Anderson

To me, they're Yes, to you, they're Jon Anderson's back-up group
Shawn Knight to Ann Kopchik

Things Said Or Written By Famous People

Guns are for men- men who are forever disappointed that their own orgasms aren't accompanied by a big "Boom!" sound.
Lorrie Moore

"Music is a very expanding thing. It's an all-powerful thing, it's a healing thing, it's a danceable thing, it's a soulful thing, it's a very human thing"
Jon Anderson